~* I'm Trying *~

17th June 2008,
10pm - 5am

I've been trying for whole day, didn't sms or call her. Even trying to don't think anything about her. But her face image still freshing inside my mind. Why should I need to suffer all this pain and hurts to loving her thats much? Why should I need to act like I'm already forget bout her meanwhile I'm still suffering this pain?

*Past is memories...
*Future is fantasy...
*Now is reality... This was been I told to myself to forget bout her.

But her face just like a shadow keep hunting in my mind, make myself going crazy keep thinking of her. Is that my love to her is just puppies love or true love? Why I can feel this hurts?
God,please me show the right way back to my normal life... I'm really enough with this suffering.

She told me that she wouldn't like or love me anymore for now & future. Cause she dislike me, for keep pressuring her. Is that an excuses to break my heart again? Zzzzz
Previous gave me hope, but now she makes me hopeless in my life.

I called her "sohai" in msn while chatting with her... just makes myself feel like I stabbed my own heart... Tears drop its own once again... Why I keep drop tear for her?
Why my love didn't get paid? I'm really lost all my focus on what I really need to do. I've been lost my dignity and trust. My love been smack to the wall by her and I still collect pieces to pieces to glu and fix it back to normal shape. But there's still a broken marks on its.

Every single night keep tearing before sleep. Just cry myself to sleep. I've been suffering this pain and hurt before for last 3years, just hope meet the my Ms.Right. Now I'm just facing a failure once again. Am I just look like a foolish guy for her? What I've been sacrifice for her there's still doesn't enough? Is it the God arrangement to let the loyalty lover suffer this pain?

Love is just feel like in heaven but Hurts like in Hell.
" You leave me breathless "
" You're everything good in my life "
" You leave me breathless "
" I still can't believe that you're not mine "
" You just walked away one of my dream "
" So beautiful you leaving me breathless "

" You must have been sent from heaven to earth to change me "
" You're like an angel "
" The thing that I feel is stronger than love believe me "
" You're something special "
" I only hope that I'll one day deserve what you've given me "
" But all I can do is try "
" Every day of my life "

I'm just love you so much, none of words can describe or give any defination my love specially for you. You're the air that I breath at all time to keep my heart beating all time. I'm drowning now without you. I'm still trying.... but I just can't feel that my heart beats without you in my life. Even now, my soul was keep stay alive without my spirit anymore.